The Weirdest Victory Of Peddie
by BlackCat46
Summary: Random little one shot. Mostly Peddie, very odd. M because of some oddness and some maniacal things. (R&R, OOC, AU.)


Ben slapped her.

Patricia screamed and he shouted "You're nothing but a pile of dog poo, you dirty little mess! No wonder Miller ditched you for KT Rush!"

"I don't care WHY he ditched me! And YOU shouldn't either!" She shouted, getting a hard smack in return.

She gathered all her strength and whacked him hard across his face.

"NEVER hit me, do you hear me?!" She screamed.

Ben punched her hard, knocking her back off her feet. Eddie saw and a surge of protectiveness overcame.

He ran over and attacked Ben to the floor from the side.

"NOBODY hits my Yacker, understand me, you little-!" He screamed, punching Ben in the face as hard as he possibly could.

"I just DID, you stupid-" He was silenced by a punch to the mouth.

"Nobody ever hits MY Yacker!" Eddie screeched as loud as was possible. Patricia brought Trudy's chainsaw. (Don't ask.)

Then she screamed. ("Hold him still!")

Eddie backed away from Patricia. She revved up the chainsaw.

"Oh-h-h that's my Yacker for ya, dude."

"SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!" Ben screamed.

"I know." Eddie said. "She's my Yacker."

Patricia giggled maniacally.

"You're gonna DIE tonight, Benny-Boy!" She screeched.

Eddie laughed. "That's a good Yacker." He cooed.

"Don't do that, baby." Patricia said, snapping to calmness in the space of three seconds. "It seriously annoys me. And YOU KNOW THAT!" She screamed.

She ran at Ben and revved the chainsaw as Mr Sweet came running.

"Patricia Williamson, what do you think you're doing with that thingymabobby?" He asked, gesturing to the chainsaw.

"Just showing little Benny-Boy some acting and he's teaching me cos I'm not very good. Is it working, Mr Sweet?" Patricia asked sweetly.

"Oh, very well, Patricia. OK, Ben, you may go to the bathrooms now." He said nicely.

"I don't think I need to anymore. I already did..." He admitted, whimpering.

Eddie jumped off him.

"Gross, dude! We should stick you in nappies!"

"I only just got out of nappies last month! Don't put me back in them!" Ben wailed.

"Wow, you need to get some control over your bladder!" Patricia yelled.

Mr Sweet stood there gawping at the mad scene before him. He had seen this on the weirdest TV shows.

"Benny, it was a joke, but considering the info you just gave us, we might just do that." Patricia said, not even slightly joking. "Eddie, keep hold of him, I'm gonna go ask Trudy if she has any nappies on hand."

Eddie looked at her. "Trudy has no kids. Why in God's name would she have nappies?"

"I dunno, hoping?" Patricia said. "You know she's a bit loopy."

Mr Sweet said "No, she's kinda cute."

Patricia vomited on Ben's head. Eddie puked in Ben's mouth and Ben puked it all back up.

"GROSS!" They all screamed. "YOU'RE TOO OLD TO HAVE CRUSHES ON TRUDY! OR ANYBODY!" (Eddie turns and blushes.)

"I am not OLD. I just happen to be mature and in love with your perfect little housemother." He said dreamily. "Has she ever danced around the house? Like to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga?"

Patricia said "You ARE gaga and you are not a lady about it!"

"Well, I never said I was a lady. You've got a hot little housemother, that's what I said. Where is that gorgeous kitty anyway?"

Patricia gagged and vomited in a very unladylike way.

Trudy jumped out of a tree, singing Love Machine by Girls Aloud.

That caused more gagging and Mr Sweet kissed her, so Peddie dragged Ben off and Patricia went mental with a pink, flowery, heart-stickered, smiley faced chainsaw.

"YOU GONNA DIE!" She squeaked loudly.

Nina bounced out of a tree.

"It's illegal to kill someone just cos they're stupid." She reported and jumped back into her tree.

The third time round, Patricia went kill-crazy and chainsawed Ben's head off.

Eddie gasped. He never thought he'd see his girlfriend be a murderess. But he had and she smiled as she poured nail polish remover over him.

Then she threw a lit match at the body and they danced around the body.

The cops came for them, but Patricia got out Trudy's bloodstained chainsaw and revved it, giggling maniacally.

Trudy gave her cookies.

"COOKIES!" Patricia screamed happily. She dropped the chainsaw and scoffed the lot, plate included.

Trudy watched in shock. "Wow, Yacker. Go you." Eddie said, clearly impressed. Trudy was dismayed, she'd been looking forward to washing that plate, but Patricia had scarfed it down.

Alfie brought in the skeleton from the science lab and Trudy raced after it screaming "WAIT! BONY, I LOVE YOU!"

The cops watched in shock.

"Any more plates?!" Patricia screamed, running after Trudy.

Eddie went and took her a plate, watched her eat it, then kissed her.

Amber ran in and screeched "PE-E-E-E-E-E-EDDIE!" At the top of her extremely big lungs.

They caught Trudy in the laundry room kissing the skeleton.

Amber looked at her oddly.

"Uh Trudes?" Amber asked.

"I'm imagining the skeleton's Jasper. Don't judge me!" She wailed and ran out of the house and up a tree faster than one of the Cullen clan.

Amber was weird-ed out.

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**:) Weird I know. Maybe confusing, but that was the intent. Review if you enjoyed. PM me with ideas. Until next time, Random Dizzy. :)**


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